


Let's Pretend Everything's Okay

by katychan666



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Post-Episode: s03e08 A Walk Into Darkness, Spoilers, talking things out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-04 09:27:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14589987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katychan666/pseuds/katychan666
Summary: Guilt consumes Alec after Lilith takes Jace away. He broke a promise he made to his parabatai, but Magnus is there to tell him he has another plan how to help Jace. Magnus is determined to fix things, fix everything, but it will require great sacrifices. It’s all too overwhelming for Alec and just for a small moment, he wants to pretend everything is okay, finding his sacred haven in Magnus’ arms and the other in his.





	Let's Pretend Everything's Okay

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just... RIP me after this ep. I cannot.

Alec was on Magnus’ balcony long after Isabelle left the loft and Magnus kept looking at his boyfriend, but he didn’t come close. Alexander needed space for himself and the warlock knew it, respecting that, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t worried. If Magnus didn’t blame himself enough for the elixir, the guilt even bigger now. He allowed Lilith to take Jace away, after Alexander made a promise to him that he wouldn’t allow anything to happen to him. A promise that Lilith wouldn’t get near him. Magnus chewed his lower lip and he cursed, looking down and he shook his head.

He needed to fix this, fix everything. In his opinion, it was his fault and if he wasn’t going to make this right, he’d never forgive himself. And there was another option that would help the upcoming battle with Lilith, which was coming. All of them knew it. However, Magnus didn’t even want to think about that, it was his last option if things would get worse and they gradually were getting worse and worse. It would require paying his father a visit, a trip to Edom and Magnus’ entire body shuddered at the thought of that. Magnus’ hand went back up to his neck, where Lilith’s magic was constricting him before and he cursed. It hurt like hell.

Alec was feeling horrible, guilt clawing at his chest and he allowed it to consume his entire body. Why bother fighting it if he deserved it? He allowed Lilith to take Jace even though he explicitly made a promise to his _parabatai_ that he wouldn’t allow him to be taken away by the demon again. However, he failed, he broke the promise he made to Jace and now he couldn’t stop blaming himself.

It was his fault, everything was his fault. Magnus offered him his help and with Magnus’ help, they were able to get to Jace. Magnus offered to sacrifice himself and now Alec blew it; he blew Magnus’ help and he banged with his foot against the floor, Magnus jumping when he noticed that and the warlock’s eyes darkened with worry when he saw that Alec was holding a Seraph blade in his hands, the hands gripping the weapon’s blade, it slowly breaking the skin and he couldn’t just stand there anymore.

Alec didn’t even notice he was doing it until he felt a pain in his hand and he quickly released the blade when he noticed that he was bleeding. He bowed his head down and pulled the _stele_ out, but then changed his mind and didn’t activate _Iratze._ He didn’t deserve it, he deserved physical pain for letting his _parabatai_ be captured by that woman. Again.

Alec knew something was off with Jace during the past few weeks, but he _chose_ not to acknowledge it. And now, it was all too late. Just because he was distracted by other things. Alec felt choked up and he wanted to scream, but nothing came out, only a small, strangled scream of pain and he then looked back down, Magnus finally joining him out on the balcony.

Magnus didn’t know what to say. Or do. Was Alexander upset with him? It was him who allowed Jace to be kidnapped, so Alec had every right to be mad at him. If not about the elixir, then about this, which was much, much worse. Magnus firmed loose fists with his hands and he stepped closer to Alec, who was holding on his bleeding hand.

“Alexander… use _Iratze_ , you’re bleeding and-”

“I don’t care, I deserve it,” whispered Alec and Magnus felt his heart drop into the pit of his stomach. However, even though Alec claimed all of that, the warlock went ahead and healed Alec’s wound with his magic, the hunter gasping when he felt the wound healing and he turned around to face Magnus.

“I told you I deserved it!” snapped Alec and Magnus felt even more horrible. Alec’s eyes widened when he noticed that he had just yelled at Magnus and he quickly wanted to put those words back in his mouth, but the damage was already done. The warlock was turned away and was walking back inside, Alec panicking and he quickly grabbed Magnus’ wrist and the other stopped. “Stay.”

“Alexander,” said Magnus after a while and Alec looked at him, eyes filled with tears that time as his thoughts were with the last words Jace said to him. He was _begging_ him and Izzy to kill him. Alec had never seen his _parabatai_ like that. So devastated and defeated. The Jace he knew was always brave and ready to face everything with his head raised high up in the air. But… Lilith had completely taken that away from him. She had broken him.

“Yes?” asked Alec once he snapped out of his thoughts and Magnus sighed.

“We’ll save Jace,” said Magnus, prepared to explain his plan to Alec.

“How?” whispered Alec. “It’s too late now… I’ve failed him, Magnus,” stammered Alec and buried his face into his palms. “You-you didn’t see him, Magnus. In there… he was so broken and completely helpless… I’ve never seen Jace like this,” whispered Alec and swallowed back the tears, voice shaking and Magnus felt his stomach dropping again. “I feel so guilty… if I was there for him more, then maybe things wouldn’t get so bad. I mean I tried to help, but he didn’t listen. If I pushed more, maybe he’d let me-” said Alec and his voice trailed off.

“It isn’t your fault, you didn’t-”

“He begged me to kill him, Magnus!” raised Alec his voice again. “ _Begged_. All of the horrible things Lilith made him do, I can’t even-”

“I know of a plan how to stop Lilith for good,” said Magnus, interrupting Alec and the younger one looked at him. “I promised to fix this and I will,” he then added, Alec not liking where this was going. “We’d require my father’s help… if I manage to convince him then we’d be unstoppable and Lilith would be defeated. Jace would be back too.”

“Asmodeus?” asked Alec.

“Yeah,” said Magnus. “My father’s much powerful than Lilith, so… with him on our side, we’d win,” said Magnus, trying to make it sound simple, but Alec knew that working with Asmodeus would require making a lot of sacrifices. A Greater demon wouldn’t just help out for free.

“And you think he’d be willing to just help us?”

“If I pay him a visit in Edom,” started Magnus and Alec felt shivers running down his spine, heart clenching and he quickly shook his head, looking at Magnus.

“No, _no_ ,” said Alec, worry on his face. He was terrified. “You’re not going to Edom,” said Alec and Magnus gave him a sad smile, placing a hand over his hand.

“I allowed Jace to be kidnapped on my watch, so-”

Alec finally realised what was going on. Magnus felt guilty. “It’s not your fault,” said Alec and placed his other hand over Magnus, then taking both of them into his own and he held onto them tightly. “You aren’t going to Edom, at least not alone,” said Alec and bowed his head down. “I already lost Jace, I can’t lose you as well. I’m nothing without Jace…” started Alec, but Magnus stopped him right there.

“Alec… your _parabatai_ doesn’t define your entire existence,” said Magnus. “You’re so much more than that,” he said and gripped onto Alec’s hands tighter and then cleared his throat. “You aren’t _nothing_ without him. How can you not see that…”

“I know, I know, but I just…” stammered Alec. “Feel so guilty that I wasn’t there for him at the moment… I was too occupied with other things that I’ve completely forgotten about Jace. I-”

“Shh,” said Magnus and nodded, holding Alec’s hands. “Don’t blame this all on yourself, angel,” said Magnus and then took in a deep breath. “You tried helping the best ways you knew how. But Jace is just too stubborn… and now it is what it is,” said Magnus and Alec let out a little huff.

“But without you…” whispered Alec, voice straining. “I-I can’t live without you… if anything happens to you in Edom…”

Magnus’ chest tightened when he heard all of that and he felt a bit less guilty now that he heard Alexander wasn’t angry with him. However, guilt was still present and he put on a brave face. “I’ll be fine,” said Magnus.

“Then I’m going with you,” said Alec quickly.

“Alexander… I don’t want to put you in danger. Besides, you’ll be needed here, you need to be here for Jace.”

“And you just expect me to be okay with that?” asked Alec and shook his head. “No, I’m going with you,” said Alec, already deciding. Magnus wanted to tell him no again, but he then decided to let it go for the time being. He didn’t want to fight with Alec now, not now when they needed to be working together. And understand each other. “We’ll face your father together,” added the hunter and Magnus stayed quiet.

As Magnus moved his head again, he let out a small moan of discomfort and then started massaging his neck again. It still hurt. Lilith could go to hell, attacking him like that. Alec looked at him and he narrowed his eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

“Lilith,” said Magnus and groaned again. “Before… when she came, she attacked me and caught me off guard. She pinned me against the wall with her magic and now it still fucking hurts,” he complained and held on the painful spot, Alec’s eyes filling with horror and he almost slapped himself mentally. He was so focused on himself, again, that he didn’t even think about Magnus!

“I’m sorry, I didn’t even stop to think about-”

“Worry not, I’ll be fine. We have much more important things to focus on than-” started Magnus but was then interrupted by Alec, who gently cupped his face and the leaned down to press a kiss against his neck, peppering it with small, little kisses and Magnus’ mustered a little smile. “Kissing it better?”

“Yeah,” whispered Alec and then wrapped his arms around Magnus.

“I’m okay,” said Magnus and Alec hugged him tighter.

“I know can we just…” whispered Alec. “Stay like this for a while and pretend everything’s okay?”

Magnus ignored the pain in his chest and he nodded. “Of course,” said Magnus and closed his eyes as Alec continued holding him and just for that tiny, little, but a special moment, everything was okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Comments and opinions are well appreciated =)  
> Come visit me on [Tumblr](http://katychan666.tumblr.com/) :)


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